Trouble in Ditto City

Well, either you’re closing your eyes
To a situation you do not wish to acknowledge
Or you are not aware of the caliber of disaster indicated
By the presence of the liberals in your community.
Well, ya got trouble, my friend
Right here, I say trouble right here in Ditto City

Why, sure, I’m a Limbaugh list’ner, certainly mighty proud
I say I’m always mighty proud to say it
I consider the hours I spend with the radio on are golden
Help you ‘preciate straight talk and a cool head and a keen eye
‘Jever take and try to find a lick of sense
When you’re hearing a sobbing Glenn Beck rant?

But just as I say it takes judgement, brains and maturity
To stick with the right-wing way
I say that any boob can take and read a book by Al Franken
And I call that sick
The first big step on the road to the depths of degreda-

I say, first – it’s wizards and witches at Hogwarts,
Then Chrstopher Hitchens!
And the next thing you know your kids are changing the channel to NPR
And listenin’ to some big out-o’-town lib’ral
Hearin’ him tell about education
Not a wholesome Bible school, no
But a place where they learn things right outta books!
Like to hear some lib’ral teacher start reading from Karl Marx?
Make your blood boil, well I should say

Now, friends, let me show you what I mean
You got one, two, three, four
Five, six commenters on Fox News
Anchors that see no difference between
The liberals on the air, with a capital
‘L’ and that rhymes with ‘hell’ where liberals go!

And all week long, your Ditto City youth’ll be
Fritterin’ away, I say, your young men’ll be fritterin’
Fritterin’ away their noontime, suppertime, choretime, too
Think the best of Obama
Never mind throwing teabags on the lawn or the taxes cut
Or Al Franken pounded
Never mind rooting for the right wing ’til your parents are caught
With a Democrat on election day and that’s trouble

Yes, ya got lots and lots o’ trouble
I’m thinkin’ of the kids in the gangsta outfits, young ones
Sneakin’ off to tune in MSNBC.
Ya got liberals, folks, right here in River City
With a capital ‘L’ and that rhymes with ‘hell’
Where liberals go!

Now I know all you folks are the right kind of people
I’m gonna be perfectly frank
Would you like to know what kind of conversation goes on
While they’re spinning across the dial?
They’ll be tryin’ out Rachel, tryin’ out Hardball
Tryin’ out Olbermann like socialist fiends
And braggin’ all about how they’re gonna
Get their Fox News clips from HuffPost.
One fine night they leave your rec room
Headin’ for the Democrat rally
Libertine men and scarlet women and hip-hop
Shameless music that’ll drag your son, your daughter
Into the arms of a jungle animal instinct massteria!
Friends, the liberal brain is the devil’s playground, trouble!

Oh, we got lberals
Right here in Ditto City
Right here in Ditto City
With a capital ‘L’ and that rhymes with ‘hell’
Where liberals go
Where liberals go

We surely got liberals
We surely got liberals
Right here in Ditto City
Right here
Gotta figure out a way to keep the young ones
Moral after school – Our children’s children gonna have
Trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble…

{Freely}
People of Ditto City
Heed that warning before it’s too late
Watch for the tell-tale signs of corruption
The minute your son leaves the house
Does he refasten his waistband below his butt?
Is there a Dixie Chicks sign on his favorite t-shirt?
U2 CD underneath the mattress?
Is he starting to memorize jokes
From Daily Show and Colbert?
Are certain words creeping into his conversation?
Words like… hope?
And… ‘stimulus plan’?

Well if so, my friends, ya got liberals
Oh, we got liberals
Right here in Ditto City
Right here in Ditto City
With a capital ‘L’ and that rhymes with Hell where liberals go

We’ve surely got liberals
We surely got liberals
Right here in Ditto City
Right here
Remember John Birch, Billy Graham and Tail Gunner Joe!
Our children’s children gonna have trouble

Oho, we got liberals
We’re in terrible, terrible trouble
That place with the multicolored bird is the devil’s tool
Devil’s tool

Yes, we’ve got trouble, trouble, trouble
Oh, yes, we got liberals, we got lots of liberals
With a capital ‘L’
And that rhymes with hell
Where liberals go!